It’s been a couple of years now since my mom dropped off the scene. She was very active with friends and had many connections. She was a vivacious and highly intelligent lady. She was often the one who reached out to connect to someone and was the one who wrote and sent several hundred Christmas cards each year. That was, until, her older friends started dropping like flies. I know, it’s crass to say, but I am being honest here. For awhile there, my parents would read the obituaries religiously each day (which I don’t recommend for anyone to do), just to be sure that they weren’t missing anyone’s passing.
Doing so though (reading obituaries), can make a person feel sad and depressed; disconnected. It’s not a good thing to dwell on, but as you get older, and more people you know, do die, you start to wonder if everyone you know is going to die.
My mom frequently phone her friends (mostly older). While she did know younger persons through work or career activities, she did not reach out to them as often. I think, quite honestly, the isolation of not connecting to others, and being unwell, made her very sad, and started disconnecting her from her “peeps”. I think if she’d had more friends locally, she would have remained more connected, with a larger support group. There are many articles now about how loneliness is one of the factors that can help to lead down the road to death, and I think it’s true.
Now that she’s not as available, well-meaning people have inquired. They think, I imagine, that we are dissing them, but we are not. We are just tired and stressed, and we don’t want to really “face” how mom has become. She no longer reaches out with a smile and a hug for good friends, or even family. We are lucky, if we manage to coax one small smile out of her. It does happen, but not often.
The lessons are:
1. Keep up with the connections as much as possible; and try to stay connected to as many of your friends as possible.
2. Be friendly, and enjoy the good times while they last.
3. Don’t bear grudges, or waste time being mad. It’s just not worth it.
Life is too short, and as you get older, you realize more and more how true this really is. It’s a worthwhile lesson for all of us, no matter what age we are, or become.